I have been trying to summon the courage to write about this for a very long time, but I'm scared that I will be viewed as a bad mom.
I am well aware that my children are a blessing and I am so grateful that I have been given these two beautiful gifts that tell me they love me many times a day. I love spending time with my kids. I love hearing their stories and watching their faces light up when something makes them happy or surprised.
But gosh darn it, I wish the "perfect moms" would stop rubbing it in about their deep love for their children. You know who they are. They say things like:
"I can't wait for summer, because I can spend every day with my kids."
"My kids are my life."
"I hate being away from my kids for too long."
"I miss my kids when they are at school."
Whereas my comments are more like:
"I can't wait for summer so I can take a break when the kids go to camp."
"Who wants to take my kids for the weekend?"
"I can't wait to go away!"
And yes, I feel VERY guilty for these feelings. But come on, really? You don't want to take a vacation away from your kids because you'll miss them too much? Really? REALLY?
Those moms make me feel inferior. I feel like an ogre when I need a break from my kids.
Maybe it's because I work. Maybe it's because I work with kids. I don't know.
But I can't take the constant fighting. I can't take the talking back. UGH. I just can't explain it.
I love my boys. I really can't imagine (or remember) what life would be like without them. But damn it, sometimes I need a few hours (or days) away from them.
Does that make me a bad person?
Alexis
Absolutely not. I know exactly what you are saying... I love my kids, too. But we all need a break here and there. And I think that's perfectly fine. You know what they say... "happy mommy= happy family". I love having my ids home for the summer but I love it even more that they go to camp for part of it. It keeps them busy and occupied and happy... not bored. And I get to have a little more time to myself without worrying about homework or school assignments.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouraging words!
DeleteI love that you wrote this. Cause I could not have. People say things like that(about not ever wanting to be apart from their kids) and it just contributes to my warped sense of how parenting should be. I don't hear those things very often, but I have abandonment issues with my own parents, and I vividly remember an old coworker telling me about how he and his wife didn't go anywhere apart from their children until the oldest was six or seven, and how they'd cried that night because they missed them so much! And I don't doubt his sincerity, that's not my point at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's really not like that for everyone and we shouldn't compare our feelings to the feelings of others, but it's so difficult not to.
ReplyDeleteAnd on a more personal note, my kid's having health problems that are causing screaming tantrums and extreme mommy-clinginess. I need a break but have little hope of getting it until he feels better, by which time I will no doubt feel better myself. I had a low moment this morning when I came back from loading the car (it didn't take long) to my child crying/screaming hysterically and I had to sit down and hold him and ask him to please stop crying.
Breaks are good.
I'm so sorry that you are having a tough time right now. I hope your child's health gets better! You do need a break, my friend!
DeleteI remember being young, my parents trudging through a messy divorce, telling my mom almost every weekend to take a break or go on vacation. I was 11 years old and understood that as amazing of a superhero my mom was she still needed some time to herself. Now that I'm grown I still encourage her to make time for herself because that quick break to re-energize can be important. :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat seeing you again this weekend, Alexis.
I hope that my boys will be just as understanding some day!!
DeleteWell to me you sound NORMAL!! My husband took me away this weekend. We found a place for our 3 kids & went away. Only about a 1/2 hour but I needed it! I homeschool & while I DO love my kids they drain me in a way no one else does. It's because we are good moms that we need that time away. THANK YOU for sharing & helping us out here know we aren't bad moms either.
ReplyDeletePamela
I honestly don't know how you do it. I'm sure I would need more frequent "time outs" if I were homeschooling my kids. I hope you enjoyed your time away.
DeleteAbsolutely 100% NO! You are a fabulous mom. You do so much for them! They know that! It's time for a getaway! Now!
ReplyDeleteThank you my friend!
DeleteTotally don't feel guilty! It's normal! I bet those other moms who can't wait to spend every waking moment with their kids don't exist
ReplyDeleteOh, they exist. They tell me these things themselves. I know they aren't saying them to make me feel bad, I just do.
DeleteThanks for the confidence!