The Lost Art of Learning To Fail

I've had something on my mind lately.  When did we forget how to fail?

It's a simple concept.  You win some, you lose some.  You succeed, you fail.

For my generation (and no, I'm not that old...), it was just a part of life.  Not everyone was picked for the basketball team or the cheerleading squad.  Not everyone got the lead in the school play.  We learned how to lose gracefully...at least in public.  

I know this is hard to believe, but I was never the BEST at everything.  (you can stop laughing now)  I have had my share of let downs and heart ache.  I am a HUGE crier and wear my emotions on my face most of the time, so when I'm upset it's pretty clear.  But the best lesson my parents ever taught me was how to stand up after being let down.

I feel like our new generations aren't getting the same experiences that we did.  They aren't learning how to lose.

At an early age, if your parents pay the fee, you are on the team.  If you get a failing grade, your parents go in and talk to the teacher.  If you aren't picked for the play, your parents complain until a new part is created for you.  

It sounds to me like a lot of parental work.  What will these kids do when their parents aren't around?  Like when they aren't accepted into their first choice college.  Or when they aren't hired for their dream job.  

What are we setting our kids up for?  Failure or something worse, entitlement?

As a mom, I wish I could protect my kids from all of the hurt in their lives.  It kills me to think that they won't get everything they want in life.  But as an adult having gone through life for the past 30-something years, I know that not letting anything happen to them, then nothing will happen to them.  With every failure, comes a success.  With every let down, comes a lift up.  

I not only want to raise winners, I want to raise people who know how to lose and how to learn from those failures.  

Are you a someone who would rather kids win and be included in everything or do you think there's something to learning how to lose and fail?


Alexis

"Little Ricky" the Invincible Kid

I've taught my kids how to brush their teeth, how to take a shower alone, how to read and how to share.  I always stress the importance of the dangers in the kitchen and how families are forever.  Each of these lessons have been picked up by the boys and they are ever growing.  


The fact is that some lessons need to be experienced in order to stick.  



Here's a lesson that is hard to teach.
"Little Ricky" thinks he is invincible. 


When we are getting out of the car in a parking lot, he jumps out and starts walking.  I scream to him and explain that we have to hold hands to be safe.  He tells me, "Mom, there aren't any cars coming."  I explain to him that sometimes cars speed in parking lots and come out of nowhere.  But it doesn't get through to him.


When we are shopping in stores, "Little Ricky" tends to wander away.  You have no idea how many times I have turned to get something from the frozen case at BJs and then he's gone.  I panic and so does "The Nag" because he doesn't like losing his brother.  I sound like a crazy person screaming his name in the store.  I explain to him that there are scary people out there who want to take cute little kids and if anyone ever did that to him, I would be so sad.  He tells me, "Mommy, I will scream your name and you will find me."  He still doesn't get it.



These lessons are not the kind that I would rather him learn from experience.  You know what I mean?  


So my question is, how do I make these life lessons stick without him learning by actually having something happen to him?



Alexis