The Lost Art of Learning To Fail

I've had something on my mind lately.  When did we forget how to fail?

It's a simple concept.  You win some, you lose some.  You succeed, you fail.

For my generation (and no, I'm not that old...), it was just a part of life.  Not everyone was picked for the basketball team or the cheerleading squad.  Not everyone got the lead in the school play.  We learned how to lose gracefully...at least in public.  

I know this is hard to believe, but I was never the BEST at everything.  (you can stop laughing now)  I have had my share of let downs and heart ache.  I am a HUGE crier and wear my emotions on my face most of the time, so when I'm upset it's pretty clear.  But the best lesson my parents ever taught me was how to stand up after being let down.

I feel like our new generations aren't getting the same experiences that we did.  They aren't learning how to lose.

At an early age, if your parents pay the fee, you are on the team.  If you get a failing grade, your parents go in and talk to the teacher.  If you aren't picked for the play, your parents complain until a new part is created for you.  

It sounds to me like a lot of parental work.  What will these kids do when their parents aren't around?  Like when they aren't accepted into their first choice college.  Or when they aren't hired for their dream job.  

What are we setting our kids up for?  Failure or something worse, entitlement?

As a mom, I wish I could protect my kids from all of the hurt in their lives.  It kills me to think that they won't get everything they want in life.  But as an adult having gone through life for the past 30-something years, I know that not letting anything happen to them, then nothing will happen to them.  With every failure, comes a success.  With every let down, comes a lift up.  

I not only want to raise winners, I want to raise people who know how to lose and how to learn from those failures.  

Are you a someone who would rather kids win and be included in everything or do you think there's something to learning how to lose and fail?


Alexis

"Little Ricky" ~ Political Candidate

In our school, like many, we have a Student Government.  The student government is a way to engage students in learning about democracy and leadership.  This long instituted activity in schools helps to share the students' ideas, interests, and concerns with teachers and school administrators.

"Little Ricky" has been talking about running for class representative since 1st grade (a whole year).  He asks questions like, "how do I get it?" "what do I do?"  

This is the magic year; the year that he can run for student representative for Room 11.   Oh boy....

He has written his speech.  We have been practicing so he can look like a professional.  

Can you read the 2nd Grade spelling?

As I have been preparing him to run for representative, I have also been preparing him for failure.  The important lesson of losing gracefully and showing "good sportsmanship" by clapping for his friends and congratulating them.

This is the first time that he is going to get chosen for something.  At this age, in sports they are put on the team as long as you sign them up, they are in the club as long as you sign them up.  This will be his first experience with a true winning or losing situation.  

As a mom, I am dying.  I can only anticipate what will happen and hope to cushion the blow either way.  I don't want to see him fail.  I don't want to see him truly sad.  I know it's part of growing up, and this is only the first of MANY times that he will experience triumph and heartbreak.  But my "mommy" instinct wants to protect him from the world.  

Why is this "mommy" stuff so hard?



Alexis